This book is dedicated to all those who prayed, to
those who rescued, nursed, healed and helped rehabilitate
myself, my son and my family. You were an
intergral part of this "accidental" journey.
A Sunday in June
By Gerry Binder
Thunder, lightening, heavy rain
nothing short of a downpour.
So the morning went.
By afternoon it cleared.
The sun came out
The clouds lifted.
Earth settled down
to a pleasant Sunday.
The phone rang.
The spoken word
shattered our world.
A terrible car collision.
Lives turned inside out
Bodies broken. Tears
and fears and prayers
so many prayers.
Now we wait.
Doctors, nurses work
to restore our loved ones.
We hold one another
to calm our fears
to dry our tears.
And we pray, "Please, God,
please, bring back our peace.
Bring back our quiet day."
Table of Contents
Poem by Jess's Mother
Gayle's Victim Statement
Jess's Journal
Gayle's Story
The Beginning
The ER & The Helicopter
My Drug Induced Coma & Surgeries at Albany Med
Transition
Helpless in a Nursing Home
Visiting My Home
A Hospital Bed in My Living Room
The Healing Power of Kittens
Saving My Leg at Mass General & Spaulding Rehab
Post Traumatic Stress
Back Into My Bedroom & Into the Real World
Equus Therapy & Borrowing Freedom
Medical Reports & Physician Notes
Photo Journal
Emails & Cards From Friends & Family
Brief Interviews
Gayle's Lawyer
Jess's Cousin
Gayle's PT Friend
Gayle's Friend Vince
Jess
In Depth Interviews
Gayle's Son Devin
Gayle's Daughter Rebecca
Gayle's Parents
Gayle's Partner Jess
Jess's Mother
Devin's Father
The Fire Chief of Hancock
Gayle's Occupational Therapist in Albany Medical
Gayle First Out Patient Physical Therapist
The Driver Who Caused The Accident Lionel
Gadgets, Gizmos & Helpful Ideas
5th Anniversary, A Letter to My Son
Poem by Jess
Gayle's Victim Statement
My name is Gayle Andrew. I and my twelve-year-old son Devin are the two people that you crashed into on June 3rd, 2001. Putting it simply, you have changed our lives for ever. Most of these past six months I have been in Albany Medical Center or Laurel Lake Nursing Home. I have been in so much pain I could barely hold a conversation, read a book, or at times, even watch a half hour television show. Most of the two months I was at Albany Medical, I was on high doses of narcotics in order to get me from surgery to surgery. Therefore, I have little memory of this time. Most of the bones in my body were broken or fractured. One nurse took the time to count 123 breaks and or fractures which she then discovered was a new record. My left shoulder was dislocated and fractured, my left elbow was smashed and reconstructed leaving me more metal than bone, as were both knees. My right knee still has an inch and three quarters of bone to grow on a fabricated matrix before I can even begin rehabilitation. I also sustained a fractured pelvis, six broken ribs which caused my lungs to collapse twice and one lung to disattach twice. My gall bladder was destroyed and removed and my liver slightly lacerated and bruised. Both my wrists were broken, and my left forearm was shattered. Three leg bones were broken in addition to my shattered kneecaps, and also my right foot was broken and pinned. Until my right leg bone finishes growing, if it does, I live with the very real fear of amputation. Every time I see my orthopedic physician, he reminds me of this fact. I still cannot put any weight on my right leg or move it much at all. My left arm still moves little without help. I still cry a good portion of my days either from pain or sadness. At this point I still need assistance with even the most simple things in life. Bathing, brushing my teeth, getting dressed, eating, are all things I need help with. Even going to the bathroom is a major event, especially when I am away from home at a doctor's visit. At times I even need help coming up with my words because of all the drugs I still need. At some juncture, I will have to deal with coming off the drugs. On June 28th, I was to begin a new career doing private consulting at Canyon Ranch with my partner, Jess Kielman. I had been lecturing with her once a week, but now I am uncertain as to when I will be able to return. As for the twenty hours a week of consulting, I have no clue as to when that will be possible. So far I am tolerant of only about three hours in my wheelchair. At the time of the accident I was enrolled in a certification program which also has been aborted. It is an intensive training one weekend a month. I don't know when I will be able to sit that long. My social life has been limited to hospital visits. Even now after almost a month of being home, many friends are reluctant to disturb me with a visit in case I am sleeping, doing therapy, or having a "bad" day. As for my sporty life, I miss it terribly. My new cross country skis will sit unused this year, and perhaps longer. I don't know if or when I will return to skiing, golfing, racquetball, canoeing, hiking, and practicing soccer with Devin.
I have missed six months of my son's life. I could not be there for him when he was hurt and needing me nor was I there for his healing process in the hospital, at home, during the pain of physical therapy, or the angst of his trauma counseling. He has had his nose and toes broken. His wrist was broken as was his ankle. His ankle was broken at the growth plate. He remembers most of the accident. The horror of watching his mother barely holding on to life, the pain within his own body, the panic of believing that the car was on fire when indeed it was just powder from inflating airbags, him trying to free me from the clutches of the crushed car, and his refusal to leave the car until the jaws of life arrived to make sure I was taken care of first, the stress of separation as I was medi-vacked to Albany while he remained at BMC, all still make me cry. This accident has changed him in ways that I still am discovering. Devin was disappointed at not being able to play with other children all summer. He was truly sad to miss the three or four soccer camps that he routinely participates in, but most of all, he lives to play soccer for both Pine Cobble and the YMCA. This loss was devastating. The nightmares that haunted him for months later, the fear of riding in a car, the loss of his mom reading and talking with him just before closing his eyes at night, the change of night-time habits of homework and helping around the house, are some of the many things Devin and I have missed terribly. He was in the hospital during his finals at Pine Cobble, but was able to attend his graduation in a wheel chair with the aid of pain killers. Of course I could not attend this event. Devin missed the YMCA travel soccer playoffs and will be unable to play for another six months. I could not be at any of his school activities including the recent all important parent/teacher conferences that is key to his success scholastically.
All of my family and friend's lives have also been affected. The worry, the time spent in caring for me, cheering and encouraging me, and traveling to me, the extra expenses of travel and hotel stays, the inconvenience of sleeping on chairs in my hospital room, the work days and earnings missed, all have been extremely stressful. Jess was waiting for me to come home on June 3rd, but instead of walking through the door, the Williamstown police called telling her that I had been in a serious accident. What a horrible shock. After ten years of being together she was suddenly faced with doctors telling her that I might not make it through those four initial surgeries. My parents, who are 79 and 82, and Jess never left my side for the first five days believing that I could die at any time. My father promised me that I would never have a day without a visitor. Jess missed three weeks of work in order to sit beside me, and has reduced her work schedule still by one third in order to do the many care taking efforts that I require. Since I have been home these three weeks, she has had to convert our home for wheelchair accessibility, including turning our beautiful downstairs living room into a hospital bedroom. She built a long ramp in order to get me into the house. Many of our dreams, hopes, and desires as well as our budding business have been put on hold. She now takes care of me and is exhausted most of the time. Just two nights ago, my knee and shoulder became infected again and she had to set the alarm for meds every two hours. We have missed our vacation with the children in June and our own in November. In August, my 21 year old step-daughter moved into her first apartment. It was pushed by the loneliness of her coming home to an empty house. Rebecca and I would have enjoyed going shopping and decorating together. I have yet to see her new home because it is on the second floor.
Lionel, I hope you realize how much pain you have brought to so many people. Whatever the court decides today, I hope you can take it with good grace and find within yourself the courage to think about and grow from this experience. Just as I am trying to make the best of a bad situation, I hope that you can do the same.
Interview With
Tootie (Cynthia) Boudreau, PT
Tootie did her undergraduate study at Hamilton College in Clinton, NYand got her Masters of Science in Physical Therapy from Widener College in Chester, PA. At present she works as a PT in the Catskill area and is starting to move towards creating an Equus Center with her husband. She has two horses and two, sometimes three, dogs. Gayle worked with her while she was at Family & Sports PT in Lanesboro, MA.
Jess: What were your thoughts when you first saw Gayle as a Physical Therapy client?
Tootie: The first thing I remember is the amount of information that Gayle gave me. There were packets upon packets upon packets of medical history. Still to this day, I have never spent so much time combing through records to understand her. I feel a lot of people will flip through and skirt the issues, but I feel it's important to read through every little cotton picking detail. In your case, nothing was silly. Everything I read was integral to your therapy. I had to understand what had happened to you. It took me two to three hours just to get through the history. Working in private practice, you don't get paid for a lot of the things you do. I remember taking it home and reading and reading and reading and thinking, "Oh, my goodness! What are we going to do?" Where do we start?
Gayle: I was still such a mess.
Tootie: When I knew you were coming to interview me, I thought of what some of the questions might be, like "How would I know you would succeed?" and "Why would I tell you things that would make you think that you were going to come out okay?"
Jess: That's a great couple of questions.
Tootie: One of the things that I noticed a bout you immediately was that you are a healer, and healers heal fast and heal well.
Jess: You mean a healer that heals others?
Tootie: Yes, and likes to help people and is good at that. It's not so much what your line of work is, because I know that you both do forms of alternative medicine, it's the kind of person who enjoys doing things for other people and has success doing that, especially the kind of person who helps other people feel good about themselves in some way. That's what I mean by a healer, and you obviously have healed so many people. So I knew that no matter what, if I could instill confidence in you that you would get better.
Gayle: That's what I felt about you the first time you worked on me, total trust. I knew that I could just relax and follow your lead and listen to what you had to say. I knew that you could help me communicate to this new body of mine. I trusted you so much. You were the first to help me maneuver outside of the house. When I began working with you, I was afraid of everything.
Jess: Yes, there were others who worked with her, but you were so important we needed to interview you for the book.
Tootie: Well, thank you. That is a compliment that I will hold with me forever. When people were asking me "what are you going to do today," because of the Hippo Laws, I didn't mention your name. I said, "My most complicated patient ever is coming to interview me for a book that she and her partner are writing." I would never have said that you were my most difficult patient, because you weren't. You were easy to work with, a delight and a pleasure. But you had, my God! A hundred and twenty-three breaks and fractures! That number still stick in my head! And it's been over three years! A hundred and twenty-three breaks and fractures! It was easy to get you to trust and go along with my ideas.
Jess: How did you know what to work on first? Was it intuitive? Schooled?
Tootie: I would say, even to this day, I didn't learn Jack in school. (Much laughter!) The truth is, I went to a fabulous school, and I learned a lot. It's one of the top in the nation in all the reviews. But you really don't know squat until you're out In the field, and until you experience some of this stuff yourself. I think for me, what makes me a decent therapist, is that a lot of injuries that people come in with, I can say, "I've been there! I've had that!" Now, have I had a hundred and twenty-three breaks and fractures? No! But did I have a few of the things that Gayle had? Yes! One of the times was when I herniated three discs in my back and experienced paralysis in my left leg. To me it seemed life threatening. Was it life threatening at the time? No! But I was a high level athlete. When I sustained this injury, I was playing college basketball. And I was reduced to a completely dependent person. I could not walk. I could not get to my classes. I had to get the security people pick me up at my door and drive me to class.
Jess: So you knew that Gayle's heart was hurt.
Tootie: Yes! Lots of times I couldn't even make it through class. I remember talking to my professors and say, "I don't know if I'm going to make it through the class so if you see me getting up and laying down or standing against the wall, it's because I can't sit in those chairs. Had I experienced anything remotely like what Gayle had experienced? No, but most therapists are healthy human beings who haven't had injuries or limitations. Maybe they were in a cast for a few weeks, but that's not the same.
Gayle: That makes perfect sense! That explains so much of why I trusted you so quickly. You'd BEEN there.
Jess: In Yoga teacher training, I came in with a cast on my arm and one of the teachers actually said, "Oh, thank God!" I said, "Thanks for the sympathy." My feelings were hurt until she said, "You're going to be a better Yoga teacher now. You have no limitations. You weren't going to understand people who do." It was such a small injury, but there were things I couldn't do.
Tootie: I think those things make you more human. And, yes, I had a lot of little injuries growing up, but that back injury changed my life. It made me know that PT was going to be a good career for me. Prior to that I was hemming and hawing between PT and going on to medical school. That injury plus a PT internship that I did at Burke Rehab Center. You may have heard of it. It's very famous and just outside of New York City in White Plains. At the time that I interned, it was rated the third in the nation. It was an incredible place. I had two units. One was respiratory and the other was amputees. My work was comparable to what is now a CNA. Once your shift was over, you had to remain there, you know me. I had to be busy in some way, so I would just hang with the PT people. And wow! They were amazing! They were the ones who were talking to patients and helping and fixing. And every time I'd work with the doctors, we'd zoom in and out of all these rooms, and he would sign papers and prescriptions. Sometimes he'd say a quick, "Hey, how ya doin'?" "I feel terrible." "Okay, here's a prescription and walk out of the patient's room. I thought, "I don't want to do this! This is terrible!" These doctors weren't talking any time with their patients, and things only got worse with the balanced budget act and the invention of HMOs. Doctors are spending even less time. I spend my days talking to nurses and secretaries. I sometimes will call with a client near death and get angry. "I don't want the nurse. I don't want the secretary. I NEED to speak to the doctor NOW!" And still sometimes they will give you a hard time. So sometimes I'm embarrassed with the medical system that I am a part of, but on the other hand, I know I can do a good job doing what I'm supposed to do. But I digress.
Jess: It's a good and relevant digression. The book isn't just Gayle's story. She wants it to be helpful.
Gayle: And we certainly have had our share of difficulty with doctors and certainly with "the system" and with insurance. We write about that in the book because we hope others can avoid some of the problems we encountered if we address the issues.
Tootie: Well, nonetheless, I think the reason you trusted me, Gayle, was because I had been through something similar. And that experience of being dependent made me more human. The doctors in the ER said to me at that time, "You're NEVER playing basketball again. And you're certainly never going to run again. And you might not walk again." My response to that was, "You know what! Forget about you! I'm going to do what I want to do! And I am going to play basketball." And I did. And you had that same spirit in you. I knew you'd be walking again. And I knew you'd be on a horse someday.
Jess: So you weren't surprised when you saw her get out of the car and walk with her sticks?
Tootie: Of course not. I knew you'd be walking. It didn't even cross my mind. There was never a thought that you wouldn't.
Gayle: Obviously I have dismissed a lot of what some doctors have said, but there's still a certain amount of trusting my own body that comes in to play. In the winter and in mud season, walking outdoors is a little scary. But there's a part of me that isn't going to accept the limitations.
Tootie: I think a lot of physical therapy can be equated with athletics in that it's eighty per cent heart and ten per cent physical ability and the last ten percent conditioning. Same thing is true of PT. You may say to yourself, "Am I going to run that marathon? No." But if you see that big expanse of ice or big bog of mud, you'll say, "I AM going to walk through that." And damn it, you do it! I knew that if I firmly and gently pushed you to do things, that you would do what I asked. And you have.
Jess: To this day, I remember leaving Gayle off with you at PT to do some errands. It was a beautiful sunny day in Spring, and when I came back, you had Gayle walking outside and doing the three stairs at the end of the sidewalk.
Gayle: My first stairs! And I remember the look on my parents faces.
Tootie: Yup! I remember your father the first time you walked with him following with the wheelchair. It was the most incredible thing!
Gayle: It was that level of trust that you weren't going to ask me to do something before my body was ready. And more importantly, that you weren't going to hold me back either.
Jess: I had faith in your abilities with Gayle. I didn't leave to do errands when she was with many other therapists. I had to trust with my own eyes as well as my heart that they wouldn't hurt her.
Tootie: The thing to recognize here is that it's good to push a patient a little bit beyond their mental limits, but not beyond there physical limits. Also, in recognizing that, you might put not only the patient in danger but put yourself in danger as well.
Gayle: Oh, yes! Remember when I stumbled a little on the rug because I didn't lift my foot high enough? I remember starting to fall, and you were like a cat. I don't know if your back hurt after that or not, but you moved so fast. You were under me before I had a chance to hit the floor.
Tootie: Right. And you have to be able to know that...
Gayle: Did you get hurt? I don't remember.
Tootie: No, because I was ready for it. We always give what we call contact guard. It's when you're touching the patient but not really helping them. I always give a little more than that. Had I not been there and simply walking beside you, you would have been down. I prefer to be extra safe rather than sorry. And had I been walking next to you, I would have had to jump across and probably would have hurt myself in trying to save you.
Gayle: I didn't get hurt at all.
Tootie: That's because I put my hands in such a way that I knew that if you did stumble, I wouldn't be holding on to something that had been broken.
Gayle: That's true.
Tootie: You see, all that reading of your packets paid off. I knew which shoulder was broken, which wrist, which elbow, which ribs had the problems. There were so many things. I'm amazed that I remember all these things! (Laughter) It's been three and a half years, and most of that stuff is still in my head. There were very few patients in my entire history as a PT that I would have thought or come right out and said, "I don't want anyone else to touch that patient." You were one of them. I just didn't trust that anyone else had taken the time to review those records and would really know what was okay and what wasn't. Was I comfortable with others do certain things with you? Sure. But the learning to transfers and the more difficult things like walking and stairs, I wasn't comfortable with that. They could do some joint mobilization, some massage and that kind of thing, because it didn't put you in jeopardy. Yeah, you were one of the ones I said, "Mine!"
Jess: How did meeting Gayle and working with her for the length of time that you did change you? Did it change your life as a person? As a therapist?
Tootie: Well, her case is imprinted in me forever. I will never forget all those little things that I read about. It's been so long and I still remember so much. I've probably had hundred, even thousands of case, but there's only those few patients that you remember each and every baby step with. And remember for a lifetime! Then there's the gratitude, thinking how grateful you are with the things that you have, and the lifestyle that you have and can maintain. Somebody else, like Gayle, wasn't so lucky. My sister-in-law's husband died very young. It was very tragic. She was left alone with a son who is now sixteen, and Susan struggled for years and years and years. She suffered horrible depression, horrible anxiety. And every once in a while she would open up to me and say that the only thing that kept her alive was her son. And I heard that from you, Gayle, a lot! On days when you would question, "Is life worth this struggle?" I'd see you say, "But I have this son." I'd see you fight mentally, "But my son, my son!"
Gayle: (in tears) You do remember a lot.
Tootie: Yes, and I knew that given a couple of years, you've have that vibrance and zest for life back again. I knew that given time, you have that back and more so that you'd say, "Look what I can contribute to myself, to my family, to my partner, to the community, to the world."
Gayle: I really had to hold on to the tangible of my son.
Tootie: When you see that struggle in someone, it really effects how you work with someone. That will forever be imprinted in me as well!
Jess: What was the hardest part? Was it the day the insurance lady said Gayle was a black hole and they didn't want to put any more money into someone who wasn't going to walk again?
Tootie: Oh, God! That was just a royal pain in the butt! The real struggle for me was the daily task of getting myself UP in order to convey that to Gayle. I had to have the enthusiasm that I wanted Gayle to have.
Jess: And as I recall, those weren't the best of times for you in your life.
Tootie: No. I was wrestling with a lot of things. There were a couple times, maybe you don't remember, but I had gotten into a pretty bad accident myself and was very sick for a several weeks. I had been trampled by a horse, but I never missed a day of work.
Gayle: And that's something that is so important to you.
Tootie: Yes! It was a place in my life where I had always had control. So this one day the horse steps in a bee hive and goes berserk. I was a mess with bruises and a concussion. Now I'm at work with one of my greatest challenges, and I have to be on my game for you. The minute I walked into the room to work with you, you said, "You don't look good. Let me help YOU!" There were a couple days there where you and when Jess stayed, the two of you were working YOUR magic. I remember thinking, "This is backwards!" (All laughing!) So this is somebody who basically died and came back is trying to make me feel good. I thought that was not only a special moment, but a special bond that a lot of therapists don't get with their patients. You were such a caring person. It took me aback. How could someone that broken want to help me?
Jess: Well, it was a little self serving. We WANT you to be at the top of your game, so we'll do what we have to do to help get you there! (Laughter.) You know, Gayle actually did that in the ER.
Tootie: Why am I not surprised?
Gayle: One of the nurses or techs was visible shaken and overwhelmed with my injuries. I remember making little jokes and lots of eye contact to help him settle down so that he could do his job.
Tootie: I wouldn't call that selfish. It's just something that happens when you care for others. And I see a lot of people getting into PT for the wrong reasons. If you don't have a heart, you can't help. You can be the most technically, the most knowledgeable PT in the world, but how much of a difference are you going to make in your patient's lives if you don't care. Sometimes it's hard to maintain your "heart" with all the junk with insurance and doctors and red tape, but it's worth it.
Gayle: I've had many who were technically impressive, but none that made me feel, "Okay! I can do this! If I can just get to Tootie today, I'll be able to get through this." Those simple little phrases are so helpful. Once we were working, it was, "Just one more step. I can take one more step." I would blank everything else out and focus on you and the work and how much I trusted you to help me get better. There's an energy between us that helped me to get out of the house, transfer into and out of the car. It was a painful process.
Tootie: Sure.
Gayle: It's hard to go do something that you know is going to hurt.
Jess: You were the one who told us about Equus Therapy. We knew nothing about it at the time. Why is it such an important part of Gayle's recovery?
Tootie: My whole life, I have known what horses can give me. They are a tremendous gift. They help keep me sane as well as happy. Currently, riding is one of two exercises that I can do that doesn't make me hurt. The other is swimming. When I am going through difficult times, the horses help me escape for a while. Those animals understand unconditional love. They not only understand it, but they practice it. Those animals love you no matter what. They're perceptive. They're receptive. The horse is the only creature alive who's gait mimics the human gait. What you haven't gotten from traditional Physical Therapy, you WILL get from riding horses. It's gait imposes components of the normal human gait on to you. It helps you get stronger. It helps your balance. Then there's what it does to the nervous system. Impulses go to the brain which then spread throughout the body telling it, "Hey, this is how I'm really supposed to walk." With repetition, you can eventually get a 'normal' walk.
Jess: It was amazing to see the improvements when Gayle first started to ride last March. It was so much, so fast. It was a wonderful thing to witness.
Gayle: And then when I stopped with a cancer scare, I had a lump on my right arm and had to have a surgery, my walking stunk. My legs felt like they were locking up. I was walking like a tin soldier again. When I'm riding, it seems that everything widens somehow, and both legs start to trust each other. I don't know if that made sense.
Tootie: Absolutely! And as you advance, you start to understand how a well trained horse is sensitive to the smallest cue or command. As that happens, the cues that you give your own body are going to sharpen too. Not only are you going to become a better rider, but your posture is going to get better, you're balance is going to get better, not to mention, it's just dang fun!
Gayle: It IS fun!
Jess: When Gayle comes home from riding, she always tells me how the ride was and how her instructor's doing, but then her mood changes and she starts talking about her horse. Whether it's Saint, or Mirage, or Sweet Pea, she talks so sweetly about them. I love it!
Tootie: The bond that you can form with that animal, who also knows that he needs to take care of you...
Jess: Oh, Monday!
Tootie: What happened Monday?
Gayle: Mirage is a strong-minded horse and tends to fight back. He's fairly dominant in the herd there at Oak Hollow. Charm was feeling crabby, and she has her limitations. She's got great gaits, but she's a little temperamental and has been known to kick. Well, on Monday, the person riding charm in the group lesson in the indoor ring, was having a bad day and let Charm get away with a bit too much. Charm came over quickly to kick Mirage. Now normally, Mirage would have kicked right back. It all happened so fast. Linda, the instructor, shouts, "Get Charm away from Mirage!" She's so protective of me. Mirage settled down, almost clutching the earth. He knew there was no way I could have helped him. I was boxed in. So instead of kicking, he settled in and was going to take whatever Charm had in store for him. That was a first for me. He reacted in a way that protected me.
Tootie: And that's the most important characteristic you look for in a therapy horse. Now that bond is going to grow even more. You will be able to do more amazing things because of that trust.
Jess: Gayle's first instructor said something to me that really allowed me to understand what a horse is like emotionally. He said that a horse is like a dog. They'll do anything for you. If you tell them to go over the cliff, they'll go over the cliff.
Tootie: If they trust you, and if they are confident in your skills, and if you have that kind of relationship where they want to work for you. My two horses out in the coral are very young. The bigger one is not quite four. I've had her since birth, so I've done everything with her by myself. The other one just turned three and he is a rescue horse. He had basically been abandoned and abused, left out in a field to die. When he was not quite one year old, a rescue facility picked him up. He was one of five left in a field in Western New York in the middle of winter.
Gayle: I just can't believe people can be like that!
Tootie: This particular rescue organization is in Claverack, NY and is a wonderful place to get a horse. I can't say enough good things about them. So this poor guy, Logan, was one of the most difficult animals that this place ever had. He kicked the owner of this rescue place and his primary care giver. And he hadn't kicked them just once! He wouldn't stand for the fierier, and he wouldn't stand for the vet. Horses will run if they are afraid, and if they can't run, they're going to kick and scream and jump around. So when we adopted him, he was pretty angry and he almost nailed me a couple of times. I'll never forget the one not day I tried to shower him with the hose. He tried to beat me up!
Gayle: Thank God you have catlike reflexes!
Tootie: I've trained horses most of my life, so within two months time, he became a kitten. Now what's interesting to watch is that he's young, he's full of himself, and he's very strong. When it's very cold, he tries to run, whether there is a person on him or not. Now my husband Ken has never ever ridden, and he's taking care of Logan. He's become my husband's horse. We got him originally as a companion to my four year old Sadie, but eventually I wanted to turn him into a riding horse for Ken. When I "broke" Logan, and I hate using that word because I only use kindness, it took me seven rides to do with Logan what I did with Sadie on the first ride. Because of his mistrust, it took longer. I rode him twice a month for about two months, breaking him in slowly. Well, one day I came back from a ride and there's Ken standing there telling me to get off that horse. I'm saying, "What do you mean, get off that horse?" He says it again and I ask again, then he says, "I'm going to ride him." I'm starting to freak. My God! He's Going to die! He doesn't know how to ride. This horse is barely trained. And Ken is wearing shorts, sneakers and doesn't have a helmet. I spent ten minutes trying to convince him not to do this, that it was very unsafe. He said, "You can't stop me. So you can either make it easy for me or hard. So I hand lead Logan around the park where I'd been riding, and that horse didn't flinch. He went around like a twenty year old therapy horse, and he was two and barely trained!
Jess: So I guess he likes Ken.
Tootie: Well, Ken is his primary care giver and he LOVES him. Ken oohs and aahs over him and brushes him, and Logan just eats it right up! And now when we ride together, once Ken accidentally went into a cantor and I could hear him go, "Oooow whoa!" And I'm ready to cut them off at the pass, but Logan hears Ken's fear and slows down. Logan is taking care of him. Now with me, he'll buck, he'll spook, he'll try to kick, not Ken. He loves Ken. And he knows that Ken doesn't know Jack about riding a horse. So, basically, Logan is training Ken. They have a trusting relationship. And that's what a therapy horse will do. They will protect you. So my hope for you is that you continue to ride. It's your best therapy.
